Singapore, oh Singapore
Sunday, January 30th, 2011|
Somehow in my list of 10 things to do to make life worth living I included “To work in Singapore or China”.
I wanted to go Singapore since very young. But more than twice I was denied to study in Singapore. I took Asian Scholarship test a few times, if I remember correctly. But my English was too weak to be offered a scholarship. (The danger of digging into memory is like what Joan Baez sang in Diamonds and Rust, they (memories) bring diamond and rust. This is the rust part.) With reasonable good result in Form 5 SPM exam (O Level), both Polytechnics (Ngee An and Singapore) surprised me by rejecting my applications. I lost confidence in Form 6 and almost flunk my STPM (A Level). The only college that accepted my application and offered my 1st choice of course is TAR College. The next 3 years in college was one of the best time of my life. I was happy in Kuala Lumpur and decided never to go Singapore. Then, in my early working life I wanted to go Singapore again. Money is always better over there. But again, I knew then I would have to break a relationship to do so. I chose the relationship and got married later. I had never made it to work or to study in Singapore. |
When I looked back, my first thought was that, fate is not to be defeated. It played so powerful onto me that despite all my desires, it kept me away from Singapore and barred me from going there.
However, when I saw an old friend’s name in Facebook I realised the only reason I could not make it to Singapore is because I was going along with flow. First, I had never study hard enough to be good enough to be offered to study in Singapore. Second, I made logical or reasonable choice that fate gave to me or decided for me. I did not insist my ideal to go Singapore to pursue my dreams against all adversities. When Singapore colleges and university did not offer me a space, I did not forge forward to land myself there to find a job and start from the ground to move upward. I simply chose an easier road presented to me, a college that offered me a place. I simply chose the easy road, the logical one. For I am afraid to take risk, then (and probably now). It takes courage to defy what fate forces onto you. My friend had the courage to make that tough choice. She went to Singapore, anyhow. I did not have that courage and wanted to play safe. I took what fate presented to me. So I am still in Malaysia wanting to work in Singapore (China too) one day. |